Student Spiritual Biography Series
Installment 7 - Xuefen Mullins
From an early memory, I was perhaps four or six years old, and it was a dark night. I nestled peacefully in my mother's arms. "What happens after death?" I asked my mother out of curiosity. This was during the years of the Cultural Revolution, when spiritual inquiry was absolutely discouraged. I did not get a satisfying answer. Yet, I had a strong feeling of some kind of existence after death. At night, when I could not fall asleep, I would watch the curtains. I felt I saw some tiny beings dancing in the shadows. They were definitely not the ghosts in the stories. This curiosity perhaps, was like a seed of seeking spirituality planted in my young heart, or maybe a longing to go to my true home. When I was in first grade, I was asked what my future aspirations were, and I said I wanted to be a "bridge," connecting people of different languages, enhancing their understanding, and overcoming language barriers. Maybe this desire led me to major in English in college later, so that my dream might be fulfilled.
In the 1980s, China started an economic reform. A little free air opened the door to the revival of spiritual traditions like Taoism and Buddhism as well as Christianity. In my summer vacations, I often went to the local park with my mother to practice martial arts with other adults and children. There was a big temple in the park. We children adored rubbing Maitreya Buddha’s big belly which embraces everything, and touching his bright smiling face to feel his great joy permeating our hearts. When I was in high school, a Christian friend of our family visited us and passionately shared her faith in Christ, attempting to persuade me. But her words were like the seeds of the parable, falling along the path and unable to take root. My rationality and pride led me to believe that all my academic achievements as a student were the result of my own hard work. A couple of years later, I went to the University in my hometown to major in English. There we students celebrated festivals like Christmas and Easter with our professors from England and America. We learned a little about Jesus. It seemed to me that Jesus was a fascinating mystery. Yet, I could not quite build much connection with this "Son of God.” After graduation in 1992, I began to teach English at a local university while also managing a corporate training program. Later on I was invited to teach at a language evening school, where I met Pat, an American physics professor from another university. He used animated movies about Jesus as a way to teach English to the students. Observing his unique approach, and in need of an American instructor for our training program, I invited him to come to our university to teach for four hours every week, two of which he taught American culture, and two of which he introduced the Gospels and taught hymns. Pat's devotion to God, his joy in his work, and his humility and compassion for others deeply impacted me. I saw a humanity in him I had never seen before. Since then we often read the Gospels and sang hymns together. At the end of 2001, with little warning, Pat had to leave China. To this day, I still cherish the hope of reuniting with him and expressing my gratitude to him for bringing Christ into my heart.
Tragically, in that same year, my beloved mother "crossed the threshold." I spent the last days of her life by her side and attended her funeral. These experiences made me firmly believe that she was in the spiritual world with Guanyin Bodhisattva. Pat had asked if he could visit my mother and pray at her bedside. Out of ignorance and what I thought was a desire to protect her Buddhist faith, I declined. I believed that Christianity and Buddhism were fundamentally different, and I wasn't sure praying in Christ could truly help my Buddhist mother. Oh, if only I had possessed the knowledge and the unwavering faith then, to truly comprehend that Christ is the Lord of Humanity, the Firstborn of the True Human Being, the Lord of Love, and the Source of Eternal Life.
After my mother passed away, I moved to Beijing in search of a more meaningful life. Yet, the relentless pace of professional life overshadowed my original pursuits. I found myself immersed in teaching, and in that demanding environment, my Christian faith seemed to disappear. I felt as if I were trapped in a deep empty valley, desperately struggling to find a way out. I felt oppressed by the exam-oriented educational model, which stifles creative thinking and individuality. Teachers are often praised as "soul engineers," but this title completely misrepresents reality. What constitutes good education? How can teachers truly become "soul workers" rather than simply teaching skills? I started seeking the answers to these questions.
A new chapter of my life unfolded In 2010 when I married my husband, Greg. I came to live in Chicago. One day in 2011, he saw a job posting for a Mandarin teacher at Urban Prairie Waldorf School. He knew that Waldorf education would appeal to me. During my teaching at UPWS, I enrolled in the Waldorf teacher program at Arcturus in Chicago. I grew more fascinated with Anthroposophy. The lectures collected in “Life between Death and Rebirth” truly opened the door to the spiritual world for me and bridged what I had perceived as an irreconcilable chasm between Christianity and Buddhism.
Life never sails smoothly. In 2020, as the COVID pandemic swept the globe, a pervasive sense of fear enveloped the entire world, and social distancing became an obstacle to people's interactions. Teachers with different opinions were unable to communicate effectively. I felt powerless and depressed. I hoped to find a way to bridge the growing divide between teachers and administrators. This desire perhaps led me to the pursuit of spirituality, to the search for truth and true humanity. I began reading the Bible with a strong thirst for knowledge. Soon after, I was guided to the Christian Community in Chicago. My very first experience of the Act of Consecration of Man was transformative. I knew, with absolute certainty, that I had found my spiritual home. The peace and joy that flowed from the sacraments began to flourish within me and nourish me, which I had never experienced before. Daily immersion in the Bible and Anthroposophy has since become an integral part of my routine. I hoped that I could be a priest in my next life! I started to participate in the Distant Learning Program at the Seminary of the Christian Community in North America.
In June 2024, our school finished her mission. Seeing everyone in the school, especially the children, though scattered throughout the city, all carrying seeds of love in their hearts, filled my heart with tears of gratitude. I sincerely hope that all of my students can find what they need in their future journey.
What is my next mission? What am I going to seek in this life? I asked myself these questions. I clearly knew that I must continue on the path of knowing Christ. It is a tough journey, but Christ is with me. He is in me, guiding me, and leading me to co-create the future body of humanity. Whatever lies ahead, I know it is filled with His Love and Wisdom. Thank you, my Lord!
Xuefen Mullins, is an onsite “Knowing Christ” student at the Christian Community Seminary in North America. She was born in China. She resides in Chicago, Illinois, USA, where she enjoys working with soil.
This is a blog entry by The Seminary of the Christian Community in North America. These are posted weekly by the student blog team of Athena Masilungan, Nicole Reinhart, and Lincoln Earle-Centers. For more information about our seminary, see the website: www.christiancommunityseminary.ca and for more video/audio content check out the Seminary’s Patreon page: www.patreon.com/ccseminary/posts.
The views expressed in this blog entry are the views of its author, and do not necessarily represent the views of the Seminary, its directors, or the Christian Community.